she was so not down for the gang bang
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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