What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
