I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
