So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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