turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My penis needs a shock collar
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
