How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
