found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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