There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
