Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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