3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
