we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
