I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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