I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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