i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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