She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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