I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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