Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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