this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
