Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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