walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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