i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
