Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
