What a fucking waste of an outfit
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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