dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
