I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
