so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
