I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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