Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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