we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
