I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
wakey wakey hands off snakey
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
