I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
