NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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