I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
