Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
