girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
