Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
