I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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