I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
