he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
