Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
