Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
