Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
