It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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