I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
