I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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