You're completely useless in the revolution.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
