Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
