It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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