I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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