There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
one might say we're banned from that church
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
