I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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