Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
People in love make me want to vomit
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
