it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Randomize
