I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
one two three fourrrrnication!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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